The Countdown begins….

Well the countdown has begun in our home…..The countdown for the children is the holiday season and for me it is my trip to the American Epilepsy Society Annual Meeting.  I have never attended the meeting before but I am eager to go this year.

The Parker home has had many changes this year…  we have stepped out to share our story and also see the progress that Samuel has made in achieving the goals that we set before him.  At times, seeing him progress is bittersweet.  I think back to how far we have come over his 8 short years of life.  At times it seemed unbearable and we thought he would never progress…..Yet, he has a spark in him that continues to go.  Where will he end up?  I can’t answer that at this moment….I can tell you that we hope for BIG things for Samuel.  He amazes us everyday with how he progresses.  As we began this journey of starting to share  My Epilepsy Story, it was hard.  I have to say one of the hardest, if not the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  I have always been an open person about sharing things with people but sharing my epilepsy story took things to another level.  Being willing to be open and honest to the point of exposing the raw feelings has seemed unbearable…. At times, I have just wanted to turn off the computer and phone, not sharing one more detail of this journey.  I then think of why did all of this happen…maybe there is a bigger plan.  I know that we are suppose to help others in the world.  We are suppose to care about EVERYONE and make sure when we are finished in this life that we have done what we were suppose to do.  For me, it is to share our journey and story as hard as it may be at times.  I sit and think about when Samuel is older and he is possibly a neurologist ( I told you we have BIG things planned for him), will I go back to being quiet about “My Epilepsy Story”?  I can’t imagine doing that!  I live with the feelings of love, joy, peace and guilt.  To not share these feelings with others would only continue to put the mask up, that so many of us wear.  My life has been FOREVER changed by epilepsy even though I am not having seizures.  This horrible disorder has stolen from me yet I am not going to let it win in the end.  I will continue to fight and as the John Mayer song, SAY talks about.. SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY……

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