Do I have the strength to keep going……

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

A Facebook friend posted this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt this evening….I have really reflected on this quote.  I look at everything that we have gone through with Samuel and I know that we are facing fear on a daily basis.  Fear of the unknown…… At times I sit and cry fearfully of where our future will lead.  Will Samuel keep improving or will he hit a point where he doesn’t improve?  I grapple with the emotions of taking my seizure medication to have my epilepsy not affect me only to have it affect my sweet  son.  When people say “Don’t blame yourself, you didn’t know”, I want to scream out loud “Is that suppose to make me feel better?”  A friend and I just were chatting via email about where do we even begin to place these feelings… Neither her or I have found a place to put these feelings.
I grow tired of the emotional journey this road is taking us on….. Yet, I find that I have gained strength, courage, and confidence through this journey.  I will continue to look fear in the face and keep fighting this fight.  I will speak out to anyone who will listen and keep hope alive for Samuel and every person living with epilepsy or family member that has been affected by epilepsy!
I will use the strength, courage, and confidence that I am gaining through all of this to as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do not follow where the path may lead.  Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”!