I decided to look up the definition of anger today……one definition was : A strong feeling of displeasure, resentment, or hostility.
I have been reading a wonderful book and the author spoke of when she was in counseling her counselor had her write 50 things she was angry about. I have never thought of myself as an angry person so I thought, wow man she must have had some serious anger issues to come up with 50 things…..As I have reflected on the book and my life, I thought well maybe I could come up with a few things that I am angry about. As I started to think in my head what I am angry about, I have realized that I do have anger in my heart. I might not be able to stop with 50…..Our lives are not meant to have anger in our hearts. Yes, I know that we have all had things happen to us that are bad. I understand the bad things such as health issues, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of a home, abuse, divorce, neglect, and loss of the life we thought we would have…..You see each of these things takes a piece of our heart away. We become angry and try to put that anger away in a box but it steals our joy from life. We need to pull out all those old boxes that we have tried to compartmentalize and deal with the anger so we can live our life to the fullest. Is it going to be easy? HELL NO! It is the hardest thing, yet freeing at the same time. When we deal with our anger we get to put our hearts back together….
As you start to list your things, write them in a journal. You don’t have to share this journal with everyone but I would encourage you to share it with at least one close friend or family member that you can be “real” with. If you don’t have that relationship with someone I would encourage you to seek out and find someone (counselor, pastor, clergy,etc) that you can share this with. We are all fragmented in some way or another….In this world we are taught from an early age to preform and put on a face….Part of my journey is learning to stop preforming and take off that “face”. I have learned that it is okay to share my story and that through being real I can help others, but most importantly help myself. So, I will open up with a few of my 50 plus things to you…… I am angry that I have epilepsy…..I am angry that my medication has now caused my son to be on the autism spectrum…..I am angry that my son has autism…I am angry that someone harmed my child…..I am angry that my mother was not the mother that I needed to help me on this journey…..and more….
As I look at the things I am angry about, I can choose to let them go or consume me…..somethings may take me longer to sort out but I will sort them out. I will always be a work in progress and so will you. It is all about getting real and dealing with things instead of sitting idle in self pity or placing them in that box to compartmentalize ….How can I advocate about change if I am not changing? The freedom in all of this is getting your heart back. It will still have cracks in it but it will be put back together. You see those cracks are what makes our stories…..I have chosen to take those cracks and see them as beautiful….when you see a stained glass window, it is cracked and broken pieces of glass that make a masterpiece. What will your masterpiece look like in a year, 6 years, and 16 years?